Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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