Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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