Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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