i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
