dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
