I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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