Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
