In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
