i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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