No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
