evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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