Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
