So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
