Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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