Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
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Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
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My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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