mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
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please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
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When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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