he puts the penis in happiness.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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