Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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