I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
