Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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