i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
