New low: just hacked my moms facebook
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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