why didn't you poke me back
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
And then my night got REAL pukey
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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