She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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