Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize