im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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