You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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