he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
