I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize