Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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