They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
