i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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