When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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