I smell stomach acid.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
