this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
