Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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