well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
