I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
