She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
