Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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