Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
we're so committed to being not committed
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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