You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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