My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
