just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
