im drinking this country out of the recession.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
