you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
