I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
