So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
