Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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