We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
