I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
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He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
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I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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