what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
