a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
