that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
