That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
