he wants to bone in the snuggie
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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