I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The air was thick with penises
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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