She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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