mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
