Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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