Soap is not a condiment
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
