You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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